. . .and this is how I felt today . . .
I have come to the realization, as of tonight, that I absolutely LOVE to ride a bike. Let me explain how this came about. First, I have been meaning and wanting (really bad) to ride a bike since I have been with Linda. It seems like such a fun hobbie for an early Saturday morning, but I never really had the guts to do it by myself - yes, I am that shy. Well, tonight was a "oh what a night" kinda night. I was able to attend the Recapturing Beauty seminar talk by the inspiring Stephanie Nielson (known for Mormon message on beauty when she was in a plane crash). It was truly beautiful to hear her speak tonight, and exactly what I needed to hear at this time in my life. I feel that we sometimes get so caught up in ourselves and our flaws that we forget about our many strengths, our inner beauties and potentials. I know this may sound weird but I feel that we are all, to a certain point, extremely judgmental of ourselves and others. In one of my favorite classes now I have learned that how we perceive others is a refection of how we perceive ouselves. Our judgement towards other are a reflection of ourselves. Think about that - cause I do every time I'm making a judgement in my head. Something I realized I need to work on.I would also appropriately add Pres. Monson's beautiful talk in Relief Society Conference. I think too much about others thoughts towards me, but tonight I realized that that will not change, but that I am able to deal with it in a way that is comfortable for me, slowly but surely. Not that I don't want to change but it's such a long process to change a thought process that has been with you for so long. Personally, I can say that Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of me, my strengths and weakness.
On this note, I will add that while sitting in the bench with the great company of Linda and Ryan, I felt like riding a bike because I was confident I could do it, even though I said the opposite out loud. So, Linda decided to let me use her bike so that I didn't have to walk home (she is way nice and considerate) and I took off. At first I was skeptical that I couldn't do it which physically affected the way I rode the bike. As I followed behind Linda and Ryan (such a hilarious sight) I decided to take off to my house. After crossing several cars and realizing that I probably looked ridiculous - it didn't matter. The wind was so cold but I loved how it numbed my skin and blew my hair out of my face. Something so simple seemed a lot more that night (called me a cheeseball, it's ok, I would too). I felt confident. I felt like I could do it and I did it. This is a huge, giant step for me. Did I look weird? check. Did I care? um no. I was doing what I wanted to do. Therefore, I chose the picture not because of Miley Cyrus, but because of her face and posture - as if she had discovered something great, just like I did tonight. A hit of self-doubt in the posture but realizing the joy of it in her eyes. And this is exactly how I felt tonight.
The End
Meanwhile, I found this song earlier this week and absolutely loved it. Hope you do too.
I imagined making a contemporary routine with two girls dressed the same and a mirror in the middle. One would be on the self-conscious (sad, insecure, shy) side of the mirror, the other would be on the side that would show who she really was inside (she wanted to be care-free, happy, joyful). At the beginning they would dance to their emotions but slowly they the self-conscious one would realize she could not live through this her entire life so she decided to change her attitude but not herself. You can see them both merging by the way they perform the moves. In the end, she is satisfied with her realization and decision to live her desire. They become one. Well, in my mind it played out a lot more beautifully than it actually sounds here, haha.
Best wishes and much love friends!
